that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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