sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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