8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
