Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
