Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
