I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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