I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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