this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
