you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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