im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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