who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
