I just cut my nipple shaving
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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