I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
