quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
