she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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