How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize