I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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