Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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