Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
