i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
