The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
