if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
