you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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