best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So squirting runs in the family.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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