My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
