...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Barsexuality is the new black.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My pussy is not your playground.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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