Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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