i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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