So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
