I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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