no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
