I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Text me some of your sweat
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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