So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
