So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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