do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
