I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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