2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he was CRYING into my vagina
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
