she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
