She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
