He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
