I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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