I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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