3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
