I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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