Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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