I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
