Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
