I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
