Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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