if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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