Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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