I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
