Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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