he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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