he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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