We won't sleep together?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
