did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
