I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
