i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
