Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
