Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
