I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
