I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
