the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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