Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
