I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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