does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
