holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
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