A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
