If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
