If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
this is an emotional support booty call
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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