yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize