DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
