woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
