Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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