For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
