I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Everything about him screamed your future.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
