I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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