We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
