I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
