he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
