Just cropdusted the office
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
