yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
