a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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